Wednesday, 10 October 2007

News Writing Exercise (1)

A man was jailed yesterday for posting at least six racial comments on a tribute website set up in honour of murdered black teenager Anthony Walker.

A School friend of 18 year old Anthony Walker who was murdered last year in a racist attack with a ice axe set up a website in honour of his friend. The intention of the website, as Liverpool Crown Court Judge Henry Globe QC said " was innocent, honourable and well motivated."

Neil Martin (30) was sentenced yesterday to two years and eight month for the race hate crime and six months for child pornography offences.

Martin who went under the pseudonym Genuine Scouser was arrested back in September for his web postings. Officers also found 33 images of child pornography on his computer. Although Martin admitted to the postings he insisted he was not racist that he only wanted to stir up an arguement.

Martin made suggestions that white people should celebrate the murder and that Anthony`s family should be burned.

The court heard that Martin had also created an internet profile using Anthony`s name and photograph and that he also posed as a schoolgirl on teenage chatrooms. Heather-Lloyd who was defending Martin said he had no history of racist behaviour and that he felt "Deeply ashamed." She went on to say " He was isolated and living in a fantasy world, spending hours on his computer in his room where his persona could be as he made it, good or bad."

Martin, from Maghull Merseyside pleaded guilty at earlier hearings to publishing material likely to stir up racial hatred and to making indecent photographs of children.

After the court verdict Anthony`s mother Gee Walker, said she was satisfied by the sentence but did not accept the written letter of apology that Martin had sent her " After hearing what he said in those messages. I dont buy it . I dont accept it. He had time to think about it and he did it six times." She went on to say, "Hitler started with an idea, slavery started with an idea so it is good that this was stopped in time."

2 comments:

Cornwallcopeia said...

Hi Ellie,

Jon Cope here with some feedback on your news writing exercise.

First off, did you check it against Anne's checklist (posted on Moodle)? Might be worth another look as, although you have grasped the inverted pyramid structure, pretty much all of your paras go beyond the 30-word limit and there is little evidence of original research or relevance to a student audience.

On the plus side, you have all the basic information in there, although the order is a little confusing. For example, you don't mention the accused man's name until para three. Really it should be in the first or second para as your mention of Anthony's school friend gets in the way of clarity.

Watch out for grammatical errors, for example, capital letters where they are not needed ('A School friend', etc).

Cheers,

Jon

Ellie said...

Hi Jon,
Thanks for your feed back and comments. I take what your saying but in my defence, for the original research and relevance to the student audience, we were not allowed to research further into the case nor were we allocated a particular readership target. I will look back over the pyramid structure as suggested.
cheers,
Ellie